The Black Mansion

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How to be at peace.

Posted on 20/11/2020

10 min. read

He who is at peace, will find love from others.

What does ‘being at peace’ even mean?

When I say ‘being at peace’, I am talking about a state of mind. This state of mind entails you having no negative emotions, no self-hatred and no grudges or desires. You feel with people and try to understand people rather than judge them. You know who you are, what it is you seek in life, what your long-term and short-term goals are and what is important to you. You are focussed on your goals and do not care what other people think about the way you are or your opinions. You are kind and generous. You do not stress out about anything and are very practical. You are happy with where you are and you are self-confident.

Now, I realise reaching this state of mind is not easy and can be challenging. So, I will try to give you some pointers to areas that are critical towards reaching this state of ‘Zen’. I am no coach but I have lived through a lot and would like to share what I have learned on my journey towards being at peace with myself and my situation.

What you can do!

As mentioned previously, the areas I will mention in the up-coming paragraphs are critical towards reaching this goal but not areas you should obsess about. These are just things you should reflect on over time and sort out for yourself so that you are happy with your current situation and are self-confident and viciously independent.

Rid yourself of desires

The first thing that I noticed was getting me down was that I wanted something and would try to attain that by whatever means possible. This something can be the affection of a person or a consumer item. In both cases, reflect on why you would like this ‘thing’. Is it to be some ideal you have of yourself or because you think that that ‘thing’, whatever it may be, will make you happy? Or maybe you are addicted to some substance and therefore need to fuel your addiction? In the case of a ‘thing’, think of this: Is the cost of attaining it really worth the resulting satisfaction? Consider this seriously and soberly. In the case of someone’s affection: Do you just like the idea of being together with someone or are you trying to compensate for a lack of something that that person might give you? In this case, I would rather consider why this ‘thing’ whatever it is, is lacking in your life and would seek to consider whether you even want to ‘fix’ it or if you are just subscribing to some ideal you have in your head. In the case of addiction, you would just have to slowly reduce your consumption ad Null until you are finally out of the clutches of this substance. I know personally how hard this can be and if you can rid yourself of any and all desire, you have made a big step and are a goddamn hero. For real.

Face your insecurities and think about their causes

When a person is insecure, this prevents them from being at ease or being themselves. Luckily, however, there is a simple solution to combatting insecurities. When you have time for yourself, you should sit down and think about what exactly is causing these insecurities. Is it because you do not have an item of clothing that you would like? Or maybe because you think you don’t have the body type your crush wants? While insecurity and nervousness due to such concerns are understandable and only human, being at peace with yourself and ultimately self-confident is made up of two crucial things: First, accepting the situation as it is and trying to evaluate if your insecurity is grounded or not. What I mean by this is: Do you really want to change yourself to serve some ideal? Is it worth it? Will you get what you want? Will it make you happy? If you decide that your insecurity has founding and needs to be addressed, here’s the second thing: Understand that nothing is written in stone. If there is something that you want to change, the only person who is going to do this, is you. Please also keep in mind that while you might doubt your way of addressing your insecurity, you know yourself best and you know what is good for you. What matters is what you think, not what other people think. If you think you can grow as a person by addressing your insecurity, you go and do that. You matter, nobody else. Crushing your insecurities is not easy, but through reflection, hard work, discipline and dedication (if needed), you have ultimately reached your goal and grown as a person. Trust me, you got this!

Make a realistic plan and stick to it

The last and final item on my list towards achieving a more peaceful state of mind, is projects and planning. If you have the ambition to finish some project that will let you grow or fulfill you in some other way, there are three things to take into account, that will make completing any project an absolute walk in the park. First, get the scope of what needs to be done. Assessing this is most important because not only will it give you a good overview of what needs to be done, but also make you see if the work required for its completion is worth the output. (Fun fact: In computer science, we call this the I/O balance. The Input, should be lower than the Output. Only then are you getting a good deal. ;) ) Second, you should try and evaluate in what timeframe you can realistically complete the project and make a detailed schedule for this time-plan. What you should be aware of is that you should be realistic and not over-estimate yourself. If you do not complete what you set out to do in a day, a week, a month, don’t worry. This brings me to my next point. Third, don’t be disappointed about setbacks. They will happen. Stay flexible and adapt. Listen, you can’t always work like a well-oiled machine and sure, there will be some days where you will just want to kick back and aren’t up to doing anything. On those days, really regen and take stock of what you have done up until now and be proud of that. You have come this far. Be flexible and re-plan. That’s all it takes and before you know it, you will be back on track and working towards your goal. Lastly, don’t put too much pressure on yourself and try to be disciplined. If you do these things, you will not only reach your goals but complete them beyond your expectations. At the end of the day, you can judge these things best. Trust your judgement.

Conclusion

I am no morals coach or confidence coach or anything like that. ( I know I said this!) I am just another human being trying to pass on what he has learned after having been through a lot. (I also know I said this, I am repeating this for a reason.) I hope these pointers help you in some ways. At the end of the day you have to know what helps you and what is good for you. You know what you need to do and ultimately you have control. Do not follow my pointers like they are gospel. Finding this peace of mind is a long and hard process and depends on what emotional place you are in at the moment. Only you can judge what works for you. Growing is never easy but it is really worth it. Be aware that this sort of thing does not happen overnight but rather happens through reflection and much thought and sorting out several things for yourself in your mind. Trust the process.

If you liked this post or enjoyed it, leave me some positive feedback on my socials and I wish you a nice afternoon. :) His Majesty out.